Confession

I think I love you

I mean like a prayer book loves a sinner

Or a pulpit loves a preacher

And I swear

If you don’t stop hording that light in those fishing net gazes

I’m gonna cut the strings on this marionette body

And ask you to slow dance with my stories

Did it hurt?

When you punched beauty in the face for even suggesting you be predictable

I can see the bruises you got from other peoples problem talking

Even when you hide them

They don’t stop bellyaching

If anything they get louder

Like when you try not to breathe too loud when a pin’s just dropped

But you know something I can see you growing out of this like a peach tree

Or a magnetic pole

You’re gonna make earth bend itself backwards just to accommodate your shine

You’re so damn pretty

I want to replace my eyes with film cameras

And let these moments develop

I treat my skull like a dark room anyway

I let people smoke weed in my hemispheres

And they blow smoke rings into my nervous system

My nervous ticks are more nervous tocks nowadays and I’m getting used to not making sense of things

How was your day?

Or maybe your night

I don’t want to limit the options here I’m just looking for a quick fix of something beautiful

And lately

I’ve been hearing songs in my spare thoughts and I swear you were the one singing them

You sounded sweet

Like lavender

Or honest

Like black gospel

I stopped getting my God on in churches

Don’t ask me why

We’re not there yet

But let’s just say

You don’t meet girls like you in the back rows of salvation boats

I’ve been looking for something so beautiful it made me forget who I was

And made me build myself back up the right way

Like the bull reversing time in the china shop

I know I’ve got some horns to deal with

But honey I can fit these demons in a hat most of whenever

I can even make them shuffle on a keyboard

I even let them write you a song once

It moved like cooking smoke

A useful fire

I’ve been drinking the water of every place I saw you

Just to check if there was something in it

There wasn’t

But gosh I was thirsty back then and it really helped me out

So thank you

For just showing up

You don’t have to do anything

I just felt like you deserved to know that you got noticed

Scratch that

I just felt like if I didn’t talk to you I’d explode

And I’m not ready to become a sunflower just yet

I want to be a better man misbehaving just to hear you laugh sometimes

And will you tell me your name?

I know what it is

Heck I’ve stayed up nights practicing how to say it

Honestly

I just like the way you tell it better

I dove into this head first like a pencil into a cassette

I want to spin like superman just to hear our first eye contact again

My favourite song is other people

What’s yours?

I get a kick out of drunk conversations

I met a guy who told me he once saw his buddy get shot in the head and how he hasn’t left the red mist behind just yet

And I wish I knew you back then

So we could love the hate right out of him

I met a friend a way back in right now who thought prayer was as good as grenade pin collecting

And I said yeah

I get it man

But when the bullet is too far away for you to swing at

I bet you catch yourself begging the universe

For arthritic gunsmiths

If there is a God

If there is a soul

Then prayer

Is a two way radio to this gravity

And if there is a God

And if there is a you

And if there is a bigot getting drunk to forget the reasons why he hates

And if there is a preacher moaning in the aisles for his doubts

And if there is a soil beneath your bed, a piece of dirt you call home

And if this love is real

Then damn it

This music we keep making must be building to something

And I hear you brother

I get it sister

I don’t think we’re meant to understand it all just yet

But I promise

If I find answers looking for the questions you keep asking

I’ll grab them by the wrists and throw them at you

Did I mention I love what you’re doing with your loneliness

I like the way you make it play with your securities

I wish I could get mine to work like that

It mostly just runs around and drools on everything

He’s pretty loyal though so there’s that

I’d probably be found without him

But honestly I think being lost is the best place to be right now

And why not it led me right to you

I’ve been hearing songs in my spare prayers, and I was wondering if you’d been talking lately

Maybe if you ever want someone to play back up

You’ll call me

I’ll be the one at the bar awkwardly dancing on the inside

Maybe you can tell me your name again

Just so long as when this poem runs out

I can say

Goddamn I think I love you more than when I started

And I’ll mean it too.