Everyone assumes it begins with the heart
The first thing to go is the stomach, the gut, your instincts
When your eyes first brush against her new smile
Being directed at a new man
Your stomach will drop, heavy, shattering across the pavement
Releasing the moths you mistook for butterflies
As you try to pick up your broken pieces like a toy soldier who hasn’t realised he’s lost.
From that moment on you will be incapable of acting in the moment
Afraid, you will meticulously obsess over every detail of every action
To make sure you never have to suffer the surprise again.
The sinking feeling is caused by the secretion of adrenaline combined with the prioritising of certain muscles over the stomach as part of a fight or flight response
And trust me you will want to do both the moment you can trace her laugh back to him
But instead you will remain rooted using all of your concentration to offer up the thinnest smile and act like you are ok
And somewhere you know you will be
But not today.